What Does It Mean To Love Well?

 I took a walk around my neighborhood circle with my little dog about a year ago, thinking, praying.

Gotta burn a few brain cells to write a novel.

My book, How To Catch A Prince, was in the works and I’d not yet honed in on the spiritual theme.

My heroine, Corina, had a twin brother killed in Afghanistan and unfortunately, there was a shroud of secrecy about his death.

As I pondered her heart about his death five years later, this thought hit me.

“Did I love him well?”

My eyes teared up.

I thought of my brothers, especially my older brother. We’re the closest in age of all my siblings.

When we were kids, people thought we were twins.

“Have I loved him well?”

Suddenly, I knew that if he died, nothing would matter but my love for him.

Our childhood fist fights,

Our arguments,

Our debates,

Our teen and adult friendship,

Would not matter in light of me loving him well.

And even though we don’t see each other as much as we could given time and distance, we are connected.

I love him.

But am I’m loving him well?

I was so gripped by this concept I meditated on it for several days.

Do I love well? Have I loved well?

Starting with my current household, have I loved my husband well?

If he were taken to heaven tomorrow, would I find regrets on the field?

Things I should’ve done but didn’t.

Words I intended to say but never did.

Other than abuse, or abandonment emotionally or physically, is there anything to keep me from “loving well,” no matter what?

Even then, I can love well while taking care of myself, right?

We don’t have to hate.

I mean, we draw such thin and narrow lines on how we dole out our love.

“My husband never picks up around the house so I… you  know… can’t respect that… and he’s a jerk.”

Or…

“My husband spends all of his time fishing and yea, he invites me but I don’t want to go!”

Or…

“The kids think I’m their taxi service. Really irritates me and man, I can’t wait for them to graduate and leave.”

“My parents drive me crazy! They want to know everything about my life.”

Those little complaints, those small relationship hurdles that most of us face, push us away from love little-by-little as we embrace them.

They seed our heart. And flower into bitterness.

All the while we feel justified. And maybe, in some small way, we are.

But to not love well? Hmm…

Then we create imaginary comparisons.

“Jill’s husband is so great! He brings her flowers and they have a regular date night. My guy? Comes home every night and falls asleep in his chair.”

What we don’t know is the truth behind Jill and her man.

And that “love” from your husband is demonstrated by his nightly return home.

As opposed to hitting the golf course or the bar with his friends.

Again, I’m not talking about abuse or neglect or abandonment.

I know there are a lot of ministry-widows out there where their husbands are so involved in church or pursuing ministry they are left alone with the kids.

To all husbands, your first ministry is AT HOME! The Lord will ask, “Did you love your wife and children well?”

Same with your wives. Our first ministry is AT HOME!

(Kicking way the soap box now!)

Back to the question:

Do I love well?

I once heard the story of a man who died and stood before the Lord (documented true) and the Lord asked him, “Did you learn to love?”

The man was sent back to his body (however that works) with the notion to learn to love.

I was so impacted by this story when I first heard it and again when I mused on the theme of “loving well.”

Jesus loved well.

I don’t think his life and death on earth are up for debate.

He lived and died well… in love.

His whole purpose was love.

Mankind nailed Him on the Cross and He cried out to the Father for their/our forgiveness.

If that’s not love…

So how do I love well in the shadow of His light?

I’m called, we’re all called, to be like him!

For my character, who loved her brother very, very much, his death raised natural human doubt.

“Did he know how much I loved him?”

“Did I love him well?”

Memories surfaced of times when she should’ve loved him, paid attention to him, but was too distracted from her own life.

And she wondered…

Did he know how much I love him?

I looked deep in my own life and said, “There is NOTHING in my life that can keep me from loving well.”

And in Jesus, I can love well those who might not love me well.

Or when I think something is unbalanced or unfair.

I want to chose love over being irritated at the small things, at the things I can’t control. Even at the big things!

It’s so out of my human frame to love well, to demand my kind of justice.

But it is not out of God’s frame.

Jesus loved first! Then He will judge.

And when He returns again, He’ll bring justice. But no one can say He did not love.

So let’s love well.

If you’re in a difficult situation or abusive one, seek the God of justice.

Seek counsel and help. Don’t stay where you are harmed emotionally or physically.

But love well in the midst of it.

What about taking things off the table that are just distractions?

If you’re hubby is not a romantic, take it off the table and learn to see his way of loving you!

Go fishing with him, even if you hate it, because you can love well in a boat or on the shore.

Love changes people.

It changes us.

And when you stand before the Lord and He asks, “Did you learn to love?”

You can say, “I gave it my all, Lord.”

Love well.

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In honor of love and Valentine’s Day, some friends and I are giving away some books and prizes.

But you have to visit all the sites to pick up the clues for the winning sentence.

Visit each of the Valentine’s Giveaway blog stops and collect a word on each page that will add up to our ‘secret sentence’ on the final stop at Becky Wade’s.

Enter the sentence in the entry box you’ll be entered to win the side prize of jewelry and chocolate.

My secret word for the sentence is: WHO.

Here’s a list of the blogs in order:

. visit Dani Pettrey by clicking here

2. visit Rachel Hauck by clicking here

3. visit Lisa Wingate by clicking here

4. visit Katie Ganshert by clicking here

5. visit Susan May Warren by clicking here

6. visit Becky Wade by clicking he

 

Click on the Rafflecopter below to be entered. Read the instructions and exceptions, please!

a Rafflecoptergiveaway

 

[Tweet “Loving well isn’t always easy. Six authors share their thoughts in this #lovewellgiveaway.”]

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Pre order How To Catch A Prince and download bonus material and be entered to win a Skype chat with me!

http://harpercollinschristian.mkt4728.com/Automations/HowToCatchAPrince

 A glimpse the first chapter!