Sitting in Dunkin Donuts on a Wednesday morning

My car’s in the shop, thus I’ve been thrust into the Dunkin Donuts next door to wait and work.

So far, resisting donuts has been easy. I do love a good donut, but hate the fat-and-I’m-still-hungry feeling that follows. All. Day.

Tomorrow I take off for Tennessee to see my mom, youngest brother and youngest sister and their broods. I had a screw in my left side tires — front and back — and am so grateful for the discovery before I took off up I-75. Can you imagine?

Remember the flat tire trip of September 6, 2009?

Hubby is teaching so he can’t go along, but Lola will be riding shot gun. Traveling with my dog. When did I get this age?

Thinking a lot lately about God’s goodness. Just feeling and sensing His faithfulness. It’s amazing to raise my hand in church on Sunday when the preacher asked, “Who’s living out their destiny?”

Me.

But you know, not every thing has turned out like I’d imagined, growing up, a girl with dreams. I never pictured myself barren, childless. I never imagined I’d only get to see family once a year. Never pictured my dad in a coffin three months before his 69th birthday.

I am at peace with it all. Mostly because I some how knew by the grace of God if I didn’t surrender it all to Him, ask for His plan and purpose to be manifest in my life, I’d never be content.

When I moved to central Florida 23 years ago, I did not have an agenda. I prayed, “Lord, whatever You want.”

I had dreams, of course. I wanted to be successful. Have a good job, be a career woman. I wanted to marry a Godly man, have a family, and yes, even then, write books.

Having dreams and goals is not a sin. Far from it. Too often we don’t have enough goals or plans. But putting our worth in them can lead us astray.

I had to walk through the painful surrender and pray, “Lord, if you want, I’ll be single for You.” I gave up who and what I thought Rachel Hayes should be and put on the Lord Jesus Christ, in whatever weak and subpar manner I could.

It started with prayer. A bit of fasting. It started because He first loved me.

What about you? Are you struggling to prop up your dreams, you ideals? Who and what you want and it’s just not working? Surrender. Start with prayer. Know He first loved you!